Crazy Things My Kids Have Said

By: Brian Harris
| July 29, 2020 |

As soon as my kids could start talking I’ve tried to document some of the things they have said and publish them on social media. One of the reasons is because, well, they are funny. Also – because sometimes it’s just neat to hear their honest reactions and thoughts as they grow up. 

They are both 11 now, but here are some of the funniest/craziest things they have said in the past few years with many more to come I’m sure.

March 19, 2017

Me: You were snoring in the car last night. We all heard you.

JC: Sometimes chicken wings make me do that.

March 9, 2013

Upon finding soap stuffed up the tub spicket I asked J.C. who did that?

“Maybe an alligator?”, J.C. replied. I looked around the tub where he sat all by himself and said, “An alligator?”. His eyes cut away and then right back to me and a big smile appeared on his face, “Maybe the alligator was me?”

January 14, 2017

Sidney’s misunderstood lyric:

God is on the moon, on the moon, alleluia!

March 29, 2018

“That was a long time ago. Like when I was 8.” – JC (age 9)

May 24, 2017

As we get in the car lately, JC keeps asking what it’s wifi password is. SMH

Feb 25, 2020

Sidney customized and bought with her own money a new pair of converse shoes that came in yesterday. She quickly told me:

“Don’t get mad when they get dirty. It’s going to happen.”

October 30, 2018

Me: I’ll pick you up an energy drink at the gas station on the way to the game.

JC: Can you get me one without alcohol?

Me: Really? Sure.

April 17, 2016

Jenn: Get back in the shower and clean your entire body. I can see dirt on you still!

JC: It’s just decoration on me!!

November 12, 2017

Conversation between Van (JC’s friend) and JC…
Van: I’m not going to college. I’m going to stay with my mom forever.
JC: umm you know when you are 21 years old, you have to move out away from your parents right?
Van: no way. I’m not doing it.
JC: you have to dude. It’s the law. The law says you have to!

November 8, 2014

After reminding JC to wash his hands, Sidney says “I ALWAYS wash my hands SOMETIMES…”

December 15, 2016

Leaving the vet and JC says “I was having a staring contest with a cat. It was a tie.”

March 26, 2016

JC: I don’t want to get married.

Me: You don’t want kids one day?

JC: Nah. Kids are crazy.

Me: I know. I’ve got two.

JC: Exactly…

November 16, 2014

Jennifer: How do you spell Dad?

Sidney: D – O – D – O.

Thanks…

May 2, 2017

Me to JC and Sidney: Did you hear about the snake?

Sidney: Where was it?

Me: By the Griswells. Did you hear what it said?

Both: What?

Me: sssssssss-Sidney.

Sidney: (quickly) I’m sure it was looking for the other Sidney (her friend next door).

June 5, 2020

Me: You better make sure you work on getting something together for mom’s birthday tomorrow.

JC: Yes sir I’m gonna give her a car wash…for free.

Me: Perfect. Good idea!

JC: I know. I’m an expert. 

September 17, 2016

JC: I can say hello in British. Bonjour!

Me: Not quite.

December 5, 2014

Jenn: We have a lot of homemade ornaments.

Sidney: No, their school-made.

August 29, 2018

Sidney S. (my Sidney’s friend) to Sidney H. at dinner… 

When you were in New York did you see those cell phone boxes?

Sidney Harris: I did! (In amazement)

Me: Are you talking about payphones?

July 19, 2013

Sidney to me: Mom’s gonna find out. But you’re my parent too. It’ll be ok.

May 25, 2018

Me: You got that Sidney? 10-4?

Sidney: 6.

December 24, 2014

JC: I want to climb in Santa’s bag like Buddy the Elf.

Me: You wouldn’t miss us?

JC: You can have another kid.

August 17, 2019

I just told JC and Sidney I bought a Woody and Bo Peep costume for them to wear for Halloween. JC looks at me, slams his fist on the counter, and marches up the stairs without saying a word. Sidney looks at me, rolls her eyes, and says that ain’t happening.

I was totally kidding by the way.

March 11, 2016

Jennifer: Don’t call your sister stupid.

JC: I didn’t call her that but I said it in my mind.

December 9, 2018

JC: So back when Santa was alive did he really have a red-nosed reindeer named Rudolph?

Me: You’re implying Santa isn’t alive.

JC: Yeah.

Me: When did Santa die?

JC: I don’t know. Probably way back in the ’70s.

Me: (sigh)

January 2, 2015

JC: How old is God?

Me: He created time. Time doesn’t apply. (long pause)

JC: So he’s a million.

Me: Sure.

October 2, 2017

JC: How do you spell Juan?

Me: I’m not sure I understand. Are you saying one, wand, or Juan? Can you use it in a sentence?

JC: How do you spell Juan?

Me: Dang it JC.

January 23, 2016

Jennifer: It’s called infinite when there are so many you can’t count.

JC: I’m infinite because I can’t count that many.

November 3, 2018

JC in the car singing Panic at the Disco’s High Hopes…
JC: Mama said don’t give up, I’m a little constipated.
Me: (turns down the radio) Did you say constipated?
JC: Yeah…
Me: You know what that means right? Why would anyone ever sing about that?
JC: (shrugs shoulders) I don’t know. I just figured his momma was constipated.
Jennifer: You’re definitely posting this on Facebook.

September 26, 2015

JC: This is a HUGE book. It’s going to take years to read!!!

Jennifer: It’s a Bible JC.

June 21, 2017

Kids telling funny stories on the way to church. One begins with an old person’s voice “Back in the 1900s…”.

Do you do anything special to document the funny/crazy things your kids say? If not, do it now. You’ll never get these days back. 

If you have funny stories you want to share about your kids, or just want to share your writing in general, click here and submit your story!

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