Sadly, some are motivated to achieve primarily by creating hate towards another. For example, some cannot function unless they mark someone as a villain they need to defeat. Some people’s villains last for a short period, while they hate others for life. No matter the length, hating others to motivate yourself is a bitter existence.
Some will argue that hate is too strong of a word. Or, one will become biblical and say, “Oh, I don’t hate them, I just strongly dislike them.” Words represent our true motivations, so no amount of semantics changes the fact that negative attitudes towards others are damaging, no matter the label we choose.
Choosing villains for our life is an unnecessary and poor motivator. We hurt others, harm ourselves, and become the actual villain. Trust me, I know.
For years, I achieved many goals seeking to prove people wrong who’d tell me, “you can’t do that.” In response, I beat my opponents from education to my Army career to other pursuits. Unfortunately, my success was achieved by needlessly creating new enemies as further motivation with each circumstance. My results were very successful until there was no one left to fight. Like others who make needless enemies, I found new ways to villainize others:
- Picking Fights When There Is No Argument – Eventually, I created a villain even when I didn’t have an obstacle. Some of my approaches were because I love in-depth discussions with others. I’d then seek to debate people when they wanted a gentle conversation. Worse, I didn’t know how to live in peace due to a life of struggle. As a result, I’d create villains for no reason.
- Not Listening To Others – When someone has made up their mind against another, they won’t listen to anything they say, even if it’s excellent advice. Other times, I’ve seen others listen, but only to argue their point or further demonize another. Either approach is unhealthy.
- Making Themselves a Martyr – Another phrase for this approach is a “victim mentality.” Sadly, this approach is far too common in many of us, even if we don’t create villains for ourselves. Yet, as martyrs, we use villains to set ourselves up as better or to be victims of them. That way, we can have sympathy from others at another’s expense.
These are some primary ways I and others create opposition to “succeed” in our lives. Do any of them register with you? Perhaps so, or maybe they reminded you of another way you misplace relationships with others?
No matter the approach, I want to encourage you to work on eliminating negative motivations in your life. Again, it’s effective for a while but miserable in the end.
Rarely should we pursue goals to please another or get a chip off our shoulders. Doing so causes people to perceive our negativity and move on from us. Eventually, enough people will leave us to where we have no one left and are alone due to the isolation we’ve created for ourselves. That’s why creating villains is such a bitter existence.
Remember, the best dreams come from pure desire. Start by loving your villains into your friends and maybe even into your family. The benefits minimize loneliness and are filled with much more peace.
This article was originally published at VerticalPaths.com.